Dear Mr and Mrs Kiddner,
As you may be aware, some gym equipment has gone missing in recent weeks from the store-room at the rear of the pavilion. One of your sons was seen attempting to break into the store-room and I’m afraid that when questioned about what he was doing (he was supposed to be at orchestra practice) he said he was looking for ants. Why he would come up with such a pathetic explanation for his behaviour is not obvious to us. I’ve spoken to other staff members and no-one reported any project involving a need for ants. When asked why he thought there might be ants under the store-room, your boy said ‘I could smell them’.
You may care to discuss this with us. The pilfering of school equipment is a very serious matter indeed and the ants story, which your young bloke seems to be sticking to, is little short of ludicrous.
Jim Teacher,
Head of Phys Ed.
St Expensives.