Mr John Clarke

We had a gratifying response to our ‘Year in Review’ quiz and we thank everyone who entered. The winner was Glen Huntly of Glenhuntly. And our congratulations go to you Glen. A mighty effort. For the record, the answers were as follows:

  1. True. Joe Hockey has announced he is using the budget as a shock absorber. The government is also expected to confirm that Tony Abbott is using it as a tie-rack and Mathias Cormann is using it as an ashtray.

  2. Correct. There is to be a referendum on whether or not the Constitution should recognise indigenous Australians. Further referenda are expected to determine the religious denomination of the Pope and to ascertain whether or not the toilet arrangements of bears have any impact on wooded areas.

  3. True. The G20 leaders greatly enjoyed the lecture given to them by Tony Abbott about what he has done in government. On the down side however, the world’s leaders are now aware of what Tony Abbott has done in government.

  4. True. The ALP hates the Greens because the electorate is concerned about environmental issues and although the ALP’s environmental policy includes a formal acknowledgement of photosynthesis and comes in an excellent folder, the mustard remain uncut.

  5. True. The reason the Oscar Pistorius trial received blanket television coverage in Australia remains a mystery. Shots of people we don’t know milling about in a courtroom in another country were broadcast around the clock. We might just leave it there but we’ll go back as soon as any development appears likely.

  6. False. You are perhaps thinking of a urinary tract infection. Sepp Blatter is the head of FIFA.

  7. True. Malcolm Turnbull interpreted Tony Abbott’s promise of no cuts to the ABC or SBS as not really a promise because the context had changed. Mr Turnbull later retired hurt.

  8. True. Treasury’s income assumptions were reported missing in the ACT in July and search teams are expected to continue combing the area with sonar equipment, until March.

  9. False. Bronwyn Bishop is not a bouncer. She is the Speaker of the House of Representatives. A bouncer throws out anyone he doesn’t like the look of.

  10. True. George Pell discovered that the Vatican’s fortunes are in much better shape than expected because hundreds of millions of Euros were hidden in accounts in various banks. For some reason these accounts were not officially recorded. Thankfully George has found no evidence of wrong-doing.

  11. True. The best performers in the federal government are said to be Andrew Robb and the man who bangs on the parliament door with a big stick.

  12. True. Nick Xenophon is an anthropologist. He studies human behaviour in the Australian senate and has his own documentary series called ‘The News.’

  13. True. Clive Palmer has described Barnaby Joyce as a fat red-faced man who is under terrible pressure. The kettle was not available for comment.

  14. True. Joe Hockey will remain as Treasurer until every comma in the budget has been removed, changed, denied, reversed, inverted or interpreted to mean its opposite.

  15. False. The term ‘hospital pass’ is used in sport to indicate that someone has been set up by his own side, to be thumped. Malcolm Turnbull was put in charge of snookering the NBN and reducing the ABC and SBS because of his experience in the communications industry.

  16. False. It was an impertinence and an insult to the Abbott government for President Obama to make a speech about the importance of finding alternative sources of energy. A spokesman for the planet was not available since he was making a speech about the importance of finding alternative sources of energy.

  17. True. Christopher Pyne voted to reduce the ABC’s funding and then petitioned the government in which he is a minister, to prevent ABC funding from being reduced in Adelaide. The Coroner has yet to release a report but police say there are no suspicious circumstances.

  18. True. Nobody knows how the Abbott government got in. It is now thought that aliens may have neutralised the brains of the Australian population on September 7th 2013. The four Australians who actually voted for Tony have all now come out against him in their fiercely independent newspaper columns.

  19. False. Greg Hunt.

  20. False. When the Essendon football team plays next year, the TV coverage will not be out of focus. The blurry effect is just used in news footage, in case anyone finds out what the players look like.

  21. True. When the new rules come into force, Adam Scott will have to get rid of his putter. (Lord hear our prayer).

  22. False. The picture shows Eric Abetz. The Grinch Who Stole Christmas is a fictional character.

  23. Correct. The Age of Entitlement is over. (There are some exceptions to this. Please check your postcode).

  24. True. Because of a down-turn in iron ore prices and a blowout in Australia’s deficit projections, the February Unemployment Number will jackpot to April, the May Economic Statement will move to June, the panic set down for July will be re-scheduled for late August and the September claim that it’s not Joe’s fault will become part of the October austerity measures.

  25. True. Australia’s commitment to foreign aid has been buried at sea following a private ceremony. Our hearts go out to no-one.