Mr John Clarke

We had a fantastic response to our last quiz and we thank everyone who entered. The winner was Seb Astopol, of Sebastopol. And great work Sebbie boy. Well done. For the record, the answers were as follows:

1. True. If you would like to be Victoria’s Planning Minister, please present yourself at Spring Street on Monday morning with a cut lunch. Please wear a tie and bring an “Approved” stamp.

2. False. Great Expectations is not about a little boy called Tony who dreams of attaining a higher station in life, backed by what turns out to be a lot of convict money from NSW. The boy’s name is Pip.

3. A suicide bomber straps explosives to himself and arranges to be among his enemies when he explodes. Kevin Rudd was attempting to regain the leadership of the ALP.

4. False. The Victorian government is not driving 500 head of hundred of cattle into the Coburg area in order to reduce the risk of fire.

5. The photograph shows a china shop. Bob Katter is just out of shot but you can see part of his hat.

6. False. Greece is not for sale. It was part of a deceased estate and was passed in twice. It has since been taken off the market.

7. False. Bob Carr did not arrive on a white charger and has not yet parted any waters in an official capacity.

8. The picture shows Evictus Maximus reclining after a four day banquet in ancient Rome. Peter Slipper simply enjoys his work.

9. False. Anna Bligh has not wrung Kevin Rudd’s neck. If not re-elected as Premier of Queensland, however, she may have more time for hobbies.

10. False. Noah is not from up around Shepparton or the Wagga Wagga area. He is listed as a boat-builder, vintner and part-time nudist, of Mt Ararat.

11. Sally forth is an expression meaning take off, set out or depart. Sally Pearson, the rapid pedestrian, is an excellent example.

12. False. Julia Gillard does not endorse same sex marriage. Her declaration that it was Gay Monn simply reflected her determination in a recent contest.

13. False. The large number of articles about the new Foreign Minister does not constitute a Carr industry.

14. False. Clive Palmer is not a living rational treasure.

15. The Premier. The Queen, The Prime Minister, the Attorney General, the Governor General and Black Caviar are all female.

16. Jeremiah wept a great deal, saying that he’d been forsaken and that foreigners were profiting in his land. Gerry Harvey is a retailer worth $800million.

17. The picture shows workers at the UN gathered on the roof to witness a partial eclipse of Ban Ky Moon

18. False. Ecclestone is not a skin condition. He is an 81 year old English businessman who is on a benefit from the Victorian government.

19. True. The reason Barack Obama and Benjamin Netanyahu look away from each other after being photographed shaking hands is that they’re both doing PhDs in White House décor.

20. True. The picture shows Robert Doyle and a Moomba float. The Moomba float is the one with wheels.

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Memo to all teaching staff.

It was made very clear during the build-up to the Olympics, that establishing sensible rules about the students getting to bed at a reasonable hour, would be an important consideration in preparing for the important scholarship exams set down for the week following the closing ceremony. I’m sorry to say that a couple of our better students have failed to perform and will have to sit supplementary exams in order to pass at all. As had been repeatedly stressed beforehand, the young are often not the best judge of how much rest they need and at times such as this, they require guidance about establishing a routine and sticking to it. These results have been a major disappointment and, unsurprisingly, our marketing people have steam coming out their ears. Here are two of our brightest and best photographed during the oral section of the language exam. Further comment is superfluous.

U. R. Orlon-Notice
Chairman,
The Board,
St Expensives.

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Dear Parents and Students,

As you know, we here at the school are keen to establish leading-edge standards in dealing with environmental issues. We are not just expressing concern; that’s not good enough. We are setting targets, detailing benchmarks and striving to be carbon neutral as an institution by 2014.

While there is broad agreement in the school community about remodeling our activities in such a way as to reduce the impact we have on the planet, there is nevertheless some reluctance or incapacity to act individually. Last week three different elective groups were asked to report on what they had done PERSONALLY by way of bringing about change. The following evidence speaks for itself. It is a sad comment on our commitment to the serious problems we face, that some of us are still avoiding the issue. If we cannot address the question of personal responsibility for change, what hope can we offer our young?
It is perhaps time some of us had a good, long, hard look at ourselves.
I hope to see many of you at the Choral Recital on the 15th.

Yrs,

Dougal Entendre,
Green Learning Centre
St Expensives

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We had a fantastic response to our last quiz and we thank everyone who entered. The winner was Mal Lacoota, of Mallacoota. And great work Mal. Well done. For the record, the answers were as follows:

1. False. Andrew Wilkie was not the yellow Wiggle.

2. True. Credit ratings agencies have downgraded the credit ratings of European economies which lost money listening to the advice of credit ratings agencies.

3. The pictures show an Italian luxury cruise ship. The Italian economy is a three funnel job and is somewhat lower in the water.

4. False. It is not possible to vote for Ken Grenda to run Australia.

5. True. Julia Gillard and Andrew Wilkie have changed the status of their relationship. She has unfriended him and he has unfollowed her. They don’t unlike each other but are currently offline.

6. True. Newt Gingrich is technically sane. The reason he wants to go to the moon and mine minerals is that he has part of Wednesday free and is swimming to Mars on Friday.

7. False. The presentations during TV coverage of the Australian Open tennis of betting odds on upcoming matches were not advertising. They were Public Service Announcements.

8. False. The betting agency is not called FunLoss. Its name is Sportsbet.

9. False. Television is not new. It was developed during the 1920s and one of its greatest writers was Charles Dickens, who would have been 200 last week.

10. True. ‘Live coverage’ means actual coverage of anevent which was genuinely happening when it was recorded.

11. True. When he played Novak Djokovic, LleytonHewitt had one leg, one hand, a hip injury, calf and groin injuries, three broken arms and a bullet wound to the thigh. The match was held under lights at Tobruk.

12. True. The final between Djokovic and Nadal was the greatest event in world history.

13. False. The male players did not grunt. The grunt-like sounds they emitted while hitting the ball were simply manly expostulations made for your viewing pleasure.

14. False. It was not a Gingrich who stole Christmas. It was a Grinch.

15. False. The athlete who recently withdrew from a pole vault event was Steve Hooker. Joe Hockey is tapering nicely for London.

16. The picture shows batsman David Warner switch-hitting. Peter Slipper is the Speaker in the federal parliament.

17. True. Charges against Lance Armstrong have been found to contain traces of an illegal substance and have been withdrawn.

18. False. Anna Bligh does not smoke a cigar, make a V sign or threaten to fight anyone on beaches. She does, however, go very well in a crisis.

19. False. Tony Abbott was never a rhythm guitarist in abelow-average British band. It’s just the suit and the way he walks.

20. False. Kevin Rudd is not a climate change denier. Climate change is one of three things Kevin doesn’t deny. The other two are the time and the date.

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