Mr John Clarke

We had a fantastic response to the Easter quiz and we thank everyone who entered. The winner was Donna Buang, of Donna Buang. A fine effort Donna. Well done. For the record, the answers were as follows:

1. False. Anna Meares has never been the Premier of Queensland. If ever they turn it into a sprint event, however, stand well back.

2. True. The picture shows Bogman, who was trapped in a bog in northern Europe for over a thousand years. Craig Thompson just doesn’t get out much at the moment.

3. False. It is not illegal in Victoria to generate electricity using solar technology. The burning of fossil fuels is simply considered by the government to be better for the environment.

4. False. The Australian open water swimming champs are not held annually during the Oxford Cambridge boat race. There was a clash of dates this year but organizers are confident they can sort it out.

5. True. This has already been leaked so there can be no harm in announcing it. The 2012 Brownlow Medal has been won by Hamish Blake.

6. False. They did not elect a new Pope in Altona on Tuesday. A chemical store went up. The fire was attended by two appliances and has been contained.

7. The picture shows an avocado, a pumpkin, a sherrin and Paul Howes (right)

8. True. There is a dispute going on in the football pages although technically The Malthouse Theatre is a building in Sturt Street.

9. False. The government has never left The Grand Prix out on the nature strip over a long weekend in the hope that someone might take it. This wouldn’t work anyway. People aren’t idiots.

10. False. The U S Masters is not a baby contest. Bubba Watson is not actually an infant. He is a drate big man.

11. This was a trick question. It was a debate in the sense that Richard Dawkins was debating George Pell but not in the sense that George Pell was debating Richard Dawkins.

12. True. Barnaby Joyce is looking for a lower house seat, the better to expound his vision for Australia.

13. False. The photograph shows Campbell Newman. Alfred E Newman is a cartoon character.

14. True. The government has managed to secure the Logies for Victoria, for 5 years. There will be 5 live broadcasts and, as with this year’s, each will last a year.

15. False. At no stage has the Collingwood Football Club ever come into contact with an iceberg while crossing the Atlantic.

16. True. The Victorian government has commissioned a secret report on where it has put its anti-corruption inquiry.

17. True. Clive Palmer’s company performed very poorly last year, declaring a loss and paying no tax whatever. Somehow Clive managed to retain his role as manager.

18. The embattled Health Services Union is not the EHSU. It is the embattled HSU.

19. True. Robert Doyle is standing for a second term as Lord Mayor of Melbourne. Let joy be unconfined.

20. True. The federal government has a majority of one and is united by a lack of confidence in either of its leaders. The opposition also has two leaders and similarly one of them deposed the other. All share, as their first and abiding priority, a burning desire to serve you.

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We had a fantastic response to our last quiz and we thank everyone who entered. The winner was Seb Astopol, of Sebastopol. And great work Sebbie boy. Well done. For the record, the answers were as follows:

1. True. If you would like to be Victoria’s Planning Minister, please present yourself at Spring Street on Monday morning with a cut lunch. Please wear a tie and bring an “Approved” stamp.

2. False. Great Expectations is not about a little boy called Tony who dreams of attaining a higher station in life, backed by what turns out to be a lot of convict money from NSW. The boy’s name is Pip.

3. A suicide bomber straps explosives to himself and arranges to be among his enemies when he explodes. Kevin Rudd was attempting to regain the leadership of the ALP.

4. False. The Victorian government is not driving 500 head of hundred of cattle into the Coburg area in order to reduce the risk of fire.

5. The photograph shows a china shop. Bob Katter is just out of shot but you can see part of his hat.

6. False. Greece is not for sale. It was part of a deceased estate and was passed in twice. It has since been taken off the market.

7. False. Bob Carr did not arrive on a white charger and has not yet parted any waters in an official capacity.

8. The picture shows Evictus Maximus reclining after a four day banquet in ancient Rome. Peter Slipper simply enjoys his work.

9. False. Anna Bligh has not wrung Kevin Rudd’s neck. If not re-elected as Premier of Queensland, however, she may have more time for hobbies.

10. False. Noah is not from up around Shepparton or the Wagga Wagga area. He is listed as a boat-builder, vintner and part-time nudist, of Mt Ararat.

11. Sally forth is an expression meaning take off, set out or depart. Sally Pearson, the rapid pedestrian, is an excellent example.

12. False. Julia Gillard does not endorse same sex marriage. Her declaration that it was Gay Monn simply reflected her determination in a recent contest.

13. False. The large number of articles about the new Foreign Minister does not constitute a Carr industry.

14. False. Clive Palmer is not a living rational treasure.

15. The Premier. The Queen, The Prime Minister, the Attorney General, the Governor General and Black Caviar are all female.

16. Jeremiah wept a great deal, saying that he’d been forsaken and that foreigners were profiting in his land. Gerry Harvey is a retailer worth $800million.

17. The picture shows workers at the UN gathered on the roof to witness a partial eclipse of Ban Ky Moon

18. False. Ecclestone is not a skin condition. He is an 81 year old English businessman who is on a benefit from the Victorian government.

19. True. The reason Barack Obama and Benjamin Netanyahu look away from each other after being photographed shaking hands is that they’re both doing PhDs in White House décor.

20. True. The picture shows Robert Doyle and a Moomba float. The Moomba float is the one with wheels.

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We had a fantastic response to our last quiz and we thank everyone who entered. The winner was Mal Lacoota, of Mallacoota. And great work Mal. Well done. For the record, the answers were as follows:

1. False. Andrew Wilkie was not the yellow Wiggle.

2. True. Credit ratings agencies have downgraded the credit ratings of European economies which lost money listening to the advice of credit ratings agencies.

3. The pictures show an Italian luxury cruise ship. The Italian economy is a three funnel job and is somewhat lower in the water.

4. False. It is not possible to vote for Ken Grenda to run Australia.

5. True. Julia Gillard and Andrew Wilkie have changed the status of their relationship. She has unfriended him and he has unfollowed her. They don’t unlike each other but are currently offline.

6. True. Newt Gingrich is technically sane. The reason he wants to go to the moon and mine minerals is that he has part of Wednesday free and is swimming to Mars on Friday.

7. False. The presentations during TV coverage of the Australian Open tennis of betting odds on upcoming matches were not advertising. They were Public Service Announcements.

8. False. The betting agency is not called FunLoss. Its name is Sportsbet.

9. False. Television is not new. It was developed during the 1920s and one of its greatest writers was Charles Dickens, who would have been 200 last week.

10. True. ‘Live coverage’ means actual coverage of anevent which was genuinely happening when it was recorded.

11. True. When he played Novak Djokovic, LleytonHewitt had one leg, one hand, a hip injury, calf and groin injuries, three broken arms and a bullet wound to the thigh. The match was held under lights at Tobruk.

12. True. The final between Djokovic and Nadal was the greatest event in world history.

13. False. The male players did not grunt. The grunt-like sounds they emitted while hitting the ball were simply manly expostulations made for your viewing pleasure.

14. False. It was not a Gingrich who stole Christmas. It was a Grinch.

15. False. The athlete who recently withdrew from a pole vault event was Steve Hooker. Joe Hockey is tapering nicely for London.

16. The picture shows batsman David Warner switch-hitting. Peter Slipper is the Speaker in the federal parliament.

17. True. Charges against Lance Armstrong have been found to contain traces of an illegal substance and have been withdrawn.

18. False. Anna Bligh does not smoke a cigar, make a V sign or threaten to fight anyone on beaches. She does, however, go very well in a crisis.

19. False. Tony Abbott was never a rhythm guitarist in abelow-average British band. It’s just the suit and the way he walks.

20. False. Kevin Rudd is not a climate change denier. Climate change is one of three things Kevin doesn’t deny. The other two are the time and the date.

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We had a fantastic response to our last quiz and we thank everyone who entered. The winner was Clif Tonhill, of Clifton Hill. Well done indeed Clif. A fine effort. These weren’t easy. For the record, the answers were as follows:

1. True. Kate Middleton went to the pictures.

2. True. Bob Hawke could have walked from his seat at the cricket all the way to his car without having a beer if he hadn’t been Bob Hawke.

3. True. Australia'a mining boom is the result of first class financial management by a series of excellent governments.

4. False. The wines named all come from the Barossa Valley. There is no such place as the Berocca Valley.

5. True. The Arts Centre spire caught fire during New Year celebrations, providing a useful lesson in the danger of fireworks and effecting $200k worth of improvements.

6. The picture shows members of the Victorian government. They met urgently to discuss what would happen if any of them ever got sick in the Frankston area.

7. True. If you have followed the instructions properly your Euro is now assembled. Tighten the brackets at F, K and D, nail to fence and light wick. Stand well back and remove breakable objects from shelves. In the event of fire, add petrol.

8. False. Frank, Mark and Gilda cannot be of any assistance with the European currency crisis. They are no longer with the firm.

9. The photos show the crowd at the funeral of Kim Jong Il. The crisis meeting of Australian Retailers was a closed function.

10. The pictures show the Yellow-plumed Honeyeater, the Golden Whistler and the Governor General.

11. False. Tony Abbott is not an app. He just gets a lot of media coverage.

12. False. Michael Clarke hasn’t been made Pope. He has just done very well at cricket recently.

13. False. Mitt Romney is not trying to become a publican for the second time. He is a republican candidate.

14. Meetings aimed at forming a bilateral position on asylum seekers broke down over the summer. Big Bash is a form of cricket.

15. Dostoyevsky was a novelist, Borovansky was a dancer and Tchaikovsky was a composer. Ajetski is a machine for destroying other people’s holidays.

16. The reason public transport charges have been increased is not so the government can make more money. It is to ensure a better class of passenger.

17. True. The news that the value of your house is falling is balanced by the news that the value of your house is rising. These stories are published in order to use ink.

18. False. The Australian Open is not a screen-saver. It is tennis tournament.

19. Melbourne Victory. The problem isn’t the name. It’s the results.

20. True. Melbourne was founded by Batman although it is believed the Docklands and Punt Road were the work of The Joker.

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